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1. IMPORTANCE OF ACTIVELY LISTENING TO THOSE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME OR IN DISTRESS

IMPORTANCE OF ACTIVELY LISTENING TO THOSE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME OR IN DISTRESS

Active listening is more than just hearing someone’s words—it’s about paying close attention, processing what’s being said, and understanding the meaning and intention behind it. It calls for being fully present and attentive during a conversation. According to psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, active listening means stepping away from your own viewpoint so you can truly connect with the other person. This practice helps people feel heard, builds stronger relationships, and shows empathy by focusing on the other person’s perspective rather than just your own. Active listening plays a key role in communication because it keeps you positively connected with the person you’re speaking to and helps them feel acknowledged and appreciated. It serves as the basis for meaningful conversations in every context—whether at work, at home, or in social interactions. As Romanoff explains, it ultimately communicates respect and appreciation by showing that the other person’s needs, concerns, and ideas truly matter. Practicing active listening means giving your full attention and being completely present with what the other person is sharing.

SEVEN GOOD ACTIVE LISTENING TECHNIQUES

The word active suggests that listening involves more than just hearing—it requires intentional effort and the use of certain skills. Below are seven techniques you can practice to become a better active listener.

  1. Be Fully Present

Active listening means giving your complete attention to the conversation. This involves engaging all your senses, focusing on the speaker, and letting go of distractions. Psychologist Sabrina Romanoff explains that being present means tuning into the other person’s inner world while stepping back from your own, which helps build deep emotional connection. To do this well, silence your phone, avoid multitasking or daydreaming, and quiet your internal thoughts so you can truly focus on the person speaking.

  1. Notice Non-Verbal Cues

Much of communication happens without words. Tone of voice, body posture, and facial expressions can reveal emotions like anxiety, fatigue, or thoughtfulness. Your own body language also matters—smile, nod, lean in slightly, and keep your arms open to show you’re engaged. Be mindful of your facial expressions too, so they don’t unintentionally give a negative signal.

  1. Maintain Eye Contact

Good eye contact shows that you are attentive and not distracted. To avoid making things uncomfortable, use the 50/70 rule: hold eye contact for about 50–70% of the conversation, looking into the other person’s eyes for 4–5 seconds before glancing away briefly.

  1. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Simple yes-or-no questions can cut conversations short. Instead, ask questions that invite the speaker to share more, such as:

  • Can you tell me more about that?
  • What did you think about it?
  • What do you feel is the best way forward?

Open-ended questions show curiosity, encourage detailed responses, and help the other person feel valued. This is a technique often used in therapy to deepen understanding.

  1. Reflect Back What You Hear

Repeating or paraphrasing what the person has said shows that you are paying attention and helps clarify meaning. For example, you might say, “So what I’m hearing is that you felt frustrated in that situation.” This helps the speaker feel understood while also reducing the chance of miscommunication. If something isn’t clear, ask for clarification, but don’t get caught up in minor details—focus on the bigger message.

  1. Practice Patience

Patience is key to effective listening. Allow the other person to finish their thoughts without cutting in, completing their sentences, or rushing the conversation. Don’t be quick to fill silences—sometimes those pauses give the speaker space to reflect. Listen with the goal of understanding, not just to respond. Avoid changing the subject too quickly, which can come across as dismissive.

  1. Withhold Judgment

Creating a safe, judgment-free space encourages people to open up honestly. Avoid criticizing, blaming, or reacting harshly. Instead, show empathy, practice acceptance, and be aware of your own biases. If you catch yourself starting to judge, pause and refocus on listening with compassion.

WHY ACTIVE LISTENING MATTERS

Practicing active listening can bring positive changes to many areas of life, including your relationships, workplace, and social interactions.

In Relationships

Active listening allows you to better understand another person’s perspective and respond with empathy. It strengthens all types of relationships—whether with a spouse, child, parent, relative, or friend. This skill reminds you that conversations are often more about supporting the other person than sharing your own views. This is especially important when someone is upset or going through a hard time. In such moments, listening attentively—without rushing to give advice or solutions—can be one of the most valuable ways to offer comfort.

At Work

In professional settings, especially for leaders or team members who interact regularly, active listening is crucial. It helps you identify problems, collaborate effectively, and demonstrate patience—an important workplace strength. In some fields, such as healthcare, listening carefully can even prevent mistakes and protect people’s safety.

In Social Settings

Using active listening strategies like reflecting, asking open-ended questions, clarifying, and noticing body language makes it easier to connect with others, particularly when meeting new people. Empathic listeners are often better at starting and sustaining conversations. This kind of listening also helps people feel emotionally supported, which is especially valuable when interacting with someone who experiences social anxiety. Research shows that such support can ease distress by positively affecting the brain function.

WAYS TO STRENGTHEN ACTIVE LISTENING

Most of us have experienced conversations where the other person seemed distracted or uninterested. You may even want to avoid doing the same to others by improving your own active listening skills. Here are some simple ways to do that:

  • Stay Curious – When you approach conversations with genuine curiosity, you naturally want to ask questions and better understand the other person. Curiosity fuels two key elements of active listening: asking and understanding.
  • Find Shared Interests – Choosing a topic that excites both of you makes it easier to stay fully engaged. This is especially helpful in small talk when building new connections.
  • Keep Practicing – Like any skill, active listening improves with practice. Be patient with yourself as you learn. Your efforts may even encourage the other person to become a better listener by watching your example.
  • Know When to End Gracefully – If the other person seems distracted or uninterested, it’s okay to politely close the conversation. This prevents frustration and ensures you don’t feel ignored.

“At Giving Hope Counselling Services, our experienced psychologists are here to actively listen to you with empathy and care, making sure you feel truly heard and understood. Beyond offering support, we also equip you with practical active listening skills that can transform your relationships, improve communication, and help you connect more deeply with others.”

Call/WhatsApp us at +254721240462/+254733932470 to book a counselling session. Also visit the blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke for similar articles.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

 

References

Jones SM, Bodie GD, Hughes S. (2016). The impact of mindfulness on empathy, active listening, and perceived provisions of emotional support. Communic Res. 2016;46(6):838-865. doi:10.1177/0093650215626983

Schulz J. Eye contact: Don't make these mistakes. Michigan State University, MSU Extension.

Topornycky J, Golparian S. (2016). Balancing openness and interpretation in active listening. Collect Essays Learn Teach. 2016; 9:175-184.

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