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1. TIPS FOR GROWING EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

TIPS FOR GROWING EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

Emotional intimacy is typically understood as a deep connection where both partners feel safe, valued, and fully trusted, with open and honest communication flowing naturally. When you share this level of closeness with your spouse, it can feel like you truly understand their inner world—their aspirations, worries, and deepest desires. Building and maintaining this kind of emotional bond in marriage or relationships can be incredibly meaningful and well worth the effort. Actively investing in emotional closeness shows your dedication to creating a lasting, fulfilling, and joyful partnership. Emotional closeness is essential for a strong, thriving relationship. When it fades, the relationship can begin to struggle. Keeping that emotional bond alive takes consistent effort and intentional care. And once emotional intimacy slips away, rebuilding it is often much harder than simply nurturing it from the start.

What Emotional Intimacy Looks Like

Emotional intimacy can show up in many forms within a relationship.
It may be seen in:

• Engaging in deep, heartfelt conversations about your dreams, worries, goals, and emotions.
• Sharing the details of your day—especially work experiences—and making each other feel understood, safe, and affirmed.
• Setting aside intentional time to enjoy activities you both love.
• Taking a genuine interest in each other’s lives, feelings, experiences, and passions.
• Being open to exploring new experiences your partner suggests, even those outside your usual comfort zone—like watching a different kind of movie, trying a new restaurant, or attending a concert together.
• Offering empathy, acknowledging your partner’s emotions, and providing steady emotional support.

Although emotional intimacy may look slightly different in every relationship, it is always rooted in deep connection, open emotional sharing, and feeling seen and validated by your partner.

What Does a Lack of Emotional Intimacy Mean?

Many couples don’t immediately notice when emotional closeness is fading. It’s not uncommon for one partner to feel shocked when the other expresses a desire to end the marriage. Only in hindsight do they recall moments where emotional distance had quietly been growing.

Common indicators that a relationship is missing emotional intimacy include:

• Little to no emotional support
• Feeling lonely even while in the relationship
• Not sharing meaningful or personal information
• A sense of disconnection from your partner
• Holding back feelings out of fear of judgment or rejection
• Pulling away or creating distance
• Reduced physical affection
• Difficulty showing empathy
• More frequent disagreements or conflicts

A lack of emotional closeness often leads to reduced sexual intimacy and lower overall satisfaction in the marriage. Research shows that couples who cultivate emotional intimacy tend to feel more content and fulfilled. Sometimes emotional closeness never fully forms, or it weakens over time. Ideally, both partners participate in building and sustaining intimacy. It’s essential to acknowledge your own role in nurturing emotional connection and staying emotionally open.

Relationships without emotional intimacy often struggle with low trust, poor communication, secrecy, and unexpressed feelings.

HOW TO STRENGTHEN EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

If you feel emotional closeness has weakened in your relationship, there are several practical steps you and your spouse can take to rebuild and deepen it.

Put away the electronic devices

Meaningful emotional connection relies on genuine face-to-face interaction. While texting and emailing are useful for coordinating daily life or staying in touch when apart, they cannot replace quality relational time. Research shows that couples who experience frequent disruptions from phones, computers, and other devices—what researchers call “technoference”—tend to report more arguments, lower relationship satisfaction, increased depressive symptoms, and reduced overall well-being.

To reduce this:

• Switch off the TV, computer, gaming console, phone, and tablet when spending time together.
• Focus on talking, sharing, and making eye contact.
• Keep devices off during meals.
• Many strong couples choose to silence their phones, place them in a basket near the door when they get home, and commit to keeping them off for the first hour or two.

Technology can easily interrupt and weaken emotional intimacy. Endless emails, social media scrolling, and digital entertainment often steal attention away from genuine connection—so being intentional about unplugging can greatly strengthen your bond.

Be Open and Emotionally Present

Over time, spouses naturally become aware of what can wound one another. When partners choose kindness and avoid causing emotional harm, they create a space where each person feels cherished, valued, and secure. A safe emotional environment allows intimacy to flourish. Sadly, many people have past experiences of rejection, mistreatment, or unhealthy relationship patterns. If you tend to criticize, belittle, or lash out at those closest to you, these behaviors can destroy closeness and build emotional walls within your marriage.

Spend More Time Together

Finding moments to connect can be challenging, especially when raising children. Simple routines—like enjoying coffee together at a set time each weekend—can create relaxed opportunities for meaningful conversation. You might also commit to 30 minutes of uninterrupted time each evening after the kids are asleep. Use this time to do small tasks together, such as washing dishes or organizing groceries, so chores get done more quickly and you can carve out additional moments for connection.

Research from 2021 shows that couples who talk more and spend more time together experience greater closeness, warmer feelings toward each other, and higher relationship satisfaction. Regular date nights, weekly lunches, or neighborhood walks can also strengthen your bond. Prioritizing time for each other—without children or distractions—is essential for nurturing emotional intimacy.

Read Together

Reading a book as a couple and discussing it can be a powerful way to build emotional closeness. You might choose a marriage-focused book, or simply read a novel, biography, or something tied to a shared interest. The act of reading together and talking about what you’ve learned encourages trust and open communication, giving both of you a safe space to share thoughts and feelings without criticism.

Find a Healthy Balance Between “Me” and “Us”

The strongest marriages are built by two individuals who are connected yet independent. Each partner maintains meaningful hobbies, friendships, or career interests, and both intentionally come together to pour into the relationship. Spending too much time together can actually drain the relationship if it limits personal growth or the fresh energy each partner brings. Make space for self-care and personal interests—and encourage your spouse to do the same—then reconnect as a secure, confident, and trusting couple.

Create a “Fun List”

Therapist Dr. Tony Ferretti suggests that couples make a list of activities they genuinely enjoy doing together and intentionally set aside time for them. Sharing fun experiences builds memories, strengthens the bond, and enhances emotional intimacy. Think about the things you loved doing when you were dating or early in your marriage and add them to your list. Include new activities you’d like to try as well. Then make it a habit to regularly choose something from the list and enjoy it together.

Explore Marriage Enrichment Opportunities

Many communities, churches, and local organizations offer marriage workshops or retreats. Couples often discover that investing in this kind of growth brings tremendous benefits to their relationship. Participating in a structured program with other couples—led by a trained counselor or clergy member—can provide valuable tools for building a deeper, more resilient marriage. Although dedicating time to these enrichment activities may feel like a significant commitment, the long-term rewards for your emotional connection can be substantial.

Seek Professional Support When Needed

If you notice your emotional bond slipping, it may be helpful to work with a family therapist. You and your spouse may have unintentionally drifted apart, experienced hurt, avoided closeness for personal reasons, or simply become overwhelmed by life’s demands. With intentional effort, support, and patience, many of these issues can be resolved.

Remember This

Emotional intimacy is essential in a healthy relationship. A marriage built on emotional closeness fosters deeper trust, greater satisfaction, and more joy. If you’re finding it difficult to maintain or rebuild that connection, reaching out to a therapist can guide you toward practical steps for healing. With commitment and time, you can strengthen your bond and grow closer as a couple.

💖 At *Giving Hope Counselling Services*, we help couples strengthen and preserve the emotional intimacy that keeps their relationships thriving. Our expert therapists guide you in building deeper connection, open communication, and lasting trust, empowering you and your partner to feel closer, more understood, and truly supported. Whether you’re looking to maintain a strong bond or rekindle a fading closeness, we provide the tools and guidance to nurture a loving, resilient relationship that stands the test of time.

Any time you encounter issues in your relationships, marriages  or family, remember you don’t have to do it alone. Always seek our services by calling/WhatsApp at +*254721240462*/*254733932470* or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke. Also check for the complete and more informative articles on the blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke. 

*Peter Mugi Kuruga*

*Counselling Psychologist* | *Marriage and Family Therapist*

*Court Annexed Mediator*