NOTICING AND AFFIRMING YOUR SPOUSE’S STRENGTHS

Have you thanked your spouse lately? Or do you just expect him or her to do "the right thing" and look the other way? It’s important that we often pause to consider our spouse’s strengths:
"We all have one, at least one, but we may not realize it because of our lack of pausing and considering it. I’m talking about an area of strength in your marriage. Oftentimes we focus on what is lacking and miss what is strong. This is not only discouraging, but also a neglect of giving thanks to God for what He has done for us."

Have you become so accustomed to the things your spouse does well that they are no longer noticed? May I encourage us all to take time today to look at our spouse from a fresh perspective? Ask God to illuminate their strengths to you, and then purpose to commend your spouse specifically and sincerely.

So, how do you do this? Ask the Lord to help you have eyes to see what your spouse does that needs noticing. There are many of your spouse’s strengths that you can notice if you make the effort, and I hope you will. Your spouse needs encouragement, just like you do. We don’t outgrow that need.
It can be little things or big ones. But don’t underestimate the power of encouragement. It could be as simple as saying thank you when your spouse opens a door, brings you coffee, or even goes to work every day and brings home a paycheck. Don’t take that for granted. Say something like, "I just want you to know that I appreciate you. You go to work faithfully, day after day, and work to help us financially in our life together. This is such a blessing! Please know that I don’t take this for granted. There are many spouses that don’t do that, and I love that you do this for us. Thank you."

Trust me, you can’t afford to take it for granted that your spouse will always be there for you. We are not promised tomorrow. We know too many spouses who took each other for granted and lived to regret it. And the state of regret is a terrible place to be. So, be intentional in noticing and affirming your spouse’s strengths. It’s another way to show love to your marriage partner.

"Use words of affirmation regularly. The tongue is a powerful tool. James 3:6 tells us the tongue has the ability to defile the whole body and set on fire the course of a man’s life. In the same way, a critical attitude can make or break a marriage. Instead of pointing out all the ways your spouse disappoints you, start to look for the positive attributes. Take the opportunity to express your heartfelt appreciation." (Sabrina Beasley)

"Offer your spouse appreciation and praise. Everyone has a deep hunger for appreciation, including your spouse, so offer it freely. Don’t make your spouse beg for your gratitude and admiration. Give it willingly. Find something that you can praise him or her for and see what a difference it makes in your marriage."
"Encourage one another daily, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."
"Think about your husband or your wife for a minute. Quickly list three things that you love about him or her. Now go and tell them." If it’s your wife, tell her. Appreciation can make a day or even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.
For many years now, Giving Hope Counselling Services has been assisting families, couples, and individuals in resolving relationship and emotional issues so they can resume their normal lives.