SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES - Secrets Every Couple Needs to Know

The chapter advises that marriages are an outrageous commitment as they call for selflessness and commitment for a lifetime.

Just as a football player dedicates countless hours to training, strategizing, and working cohesively with teammates, a successful marriage requires unwavering dedication, teamwork, and ongoing effort to nurture the relationship. Both marriage and football have their own challenges, be it navigating a tough season or overcoming personal conflicts, but, ultimately, both thrive on the foundations of trust, communication, and shared goals.

Premarital counselling offers couples a lifeboat before they enter the sea. Entering married life without counselling is like beginning a sailing journey without a sailing raft and then striving to source for one when you’re already drowning. Marriage counselling differentiates a good and well-adjusted couple from one that is ill-prepared for marriage.

Entering marriage is a significant step that demands open communication and careful consideration between partners. Before making this lifelong commitment, couples must discuss important topics such as finances, family planning, career goals, emotional expectations, and core values. Having conversations about key issues helps couples enhance their understanding of each other and strengthens their bond, paving the way for a unified vision and a healthy and happy marriage.

Husbands and fathers play indispensable roles within their families, offering love, support, and guidance that shape the lives of their loved ones. By embracing their strengths and fulfilling their responsibilities with love and dedication, husbands and fathers contribute to the flourishing of their families and the perpetuation of love across generations.

World-renowned Clinical Psychologist and Marriage and Family Researchers John Gottman and Nan Silver came up with seven principles that make for a successful marriage that they wrote in their book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”. By staying committed to these fundamental ideas, partners can build a loving, lasting relationship that can withstand the challenges they face, just like a well-constructed bridge can carry the weight of traffic for many years.

By prioritising kindness and compassion in your marriage, you create an environment where you and your spouse feel valued and cared for, fostering a stronger and more enduring relationship over time. Ralph Waldo Emerson once wisely said, “You cannot do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” None of us want to regret not being kind enough! Kindness, a fruit of a life yielded to God’s Spirit, should permeate as many interactions as possible with your spouse each day.

According to Jack and Carole Mayhall, “There are as many ways to handle disagreements as there are personalities. Some people simmer quietly, while others explode. Some confront issues directly, while others prefer to avoid confrontation. Two common styles are often labelled as the 'Confronter' and the 'Avoider', or the 'attacker' and the 'retreater'. Others refer to these approaches as expressive and non-expressive.” Do you and your spouse both tend to confront or avoid conflicts? Perhaps one of you confronts while the other avoids. Bottom line, conflicts can be tough to navigate as both parties often feel strongly about their approach.

When most of us get married, we do not think about the possibility of infidelity in our marriages because we are so deeply in love. We assume that cheating cannot happen in our marriages, and hence fail to protect our marriages from extramarital affairs. Tragically, however, infidelity is more common than we think, even in Christian marriages. When it comes to infidelity, it’s better to be cautious and put up protective barriers in good times no matter how safe we feel when we marry. We should protect our marriages from adultery and help other couples protect theirs by being proactive rather than reactive.

Self-reflection, the examination of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, leads us to take responsibility for our actions and emotions and examine how they contribute to our marital relationships, which results in personal growth. Self-reflection requires two important things: Self-awareness and honesty.

When facing difficulties in a relationship, it’s crucial to approach the issues with care, empathy, and effective communication. a. Admit it: Recognise and acknowledge the differences between you and your partner. b. Face it: Confront conflicts rather than avoid them. c. Confess it: Own up to your mistakes when you’re wrong. d. Value it: Appreciate and honour the privilege of being in the relationship.

As couples navigate the complexities of work, family responsibilities, and personal commitments, the initial passion can sometimes fade into routine. Many couples find themselves in a state of stagnation in their marriage, often stemming from the routine of daily life, unresolved conflicts, or a lack of emotional intimacy. This plateau can lead to feelings of boredom and disconnect, causing partners to question the importance of their relationships. Overcoming marital stagnation and transitioning into a thriving mode is not only possible but essential.

The pursuit of a safe and secure connection has ben a fundamental human need throughout history. While marriage or committed partnerships offer a potential safe haven, many couples fail to leverage this opportunity to create a sanctuary where they can truly relax and feel valued. The true test of a relationship comes after the initial phases of courtship and infatuation, where the couple’s ability to be there for each other through all circumstances is tested.

The marriage institution has been marred with various myths about what makes a successful marriage. Couples often receive counsel from friends or strangers on how to make their marriage work. So, where’s the truth? Should couples stay together for the children and do happily married couples always argue calmly? Is communication the main key to a happy, fulfilling marital union?

A happy marriage is built on solid biblical principles, as God is the author of marriage. Adhering to biblical standards in your marriage can help you build a deeper spiritual connection with your spouse and also fosters commitment, unity, and a sense of purpose in the relationship.

The Serenity Prayer is a powerful tool that can be particularly beneficial when applied to marriage. You can integrate it into your marital life to foster acceptance, courage, and wisdom. The Serenity Prayer goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time.” By applying the Serenity Prayer to your marriage and actively encouraging your spouse, you can build a stronger, more resilient relationship grounded in faith, love, and mutual support.

Having a marriage that lasts has become something that many can only dream of. Most people are quick to leave their marriages at the slightest discomfort, which we’ve established is against God’s wishes for our marital lives as he expects us to love sacrificially.Remember to focus on your actions instead of pointing fingers at your spouse. Be intentionally kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving, always seeking God’s help and looking forward to hearing God say to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”